May 2, 2006

I drug? dragged? drung?  my mother with me. That's not true. She was going to go with me anyway. Gotta love the support. The whole way to Brockport, in the car, I was... nervous. Worried. Concerned about how I was going to manage dinner. HUH? It was day 7 of OA Abstinence.. one of my many coping mechs is I'm a foodaholic. I was freaking out that I might say something stupid or unwelcomed, or ramble... because that's something I can do! (Its all part of my Ugly Truth.)

So we get there, and we are walking up to the building, my nerves are everywhere, my emotions soaring... I look up and I swear I see Angela walking in just ahead of us. No way. Where was the limo? The press? The entourage? Then DUH.. she is a real human Franki! That's when it struck me. She is a woman... real and down to earth. She is a survivor. Just like me.

That calm realization lasted for only a few minutes.

When mom and I walked into the room, there were about 15 - 20 people there. I didn't see her, but I didn't want to just pounce on her either, so it was probably a good thing. I introduced myself to a woman who I thought might be Alberta, only to find out she wasn't, but my mom knew her. Ohhh anyway... she took me over to introduce me to Angela. She gave me a hug, and read my t-shirt, the one that says "I was sexually abused by my FATHER and all I got was this stupid t-shirt." Oh yeah... I got all dressed up for the occasion. She laughed and said I like that! THEN... and here is where I just about.... well.... thudded. She noticed the logo for Sadly Normal, and she said "I know your web site!" OhMyGosh! No freakin way man! So yeah... I was a bit.. WOWed! As she threw her arm around me for pictures... she said something to the affect of sorry about my smelly armpit. (It didn't smell, not that I sniffed or anything). She is a way cool person, on so many levels. 

As it turned out, a few people have visited Sadly Normal, which just thrills me to no end. (Doesn't take much these days....) I really need to get my ass in gear and work on it.

ANYWAY.... after dinner, she signed a copy of the DVD for me (thank you Jack!! Haha). We went over to the other hall or union... us un-colleege-edukated folk don't have no clue bout proper termeenologee.... to watch the film, and then to listen to her speak. This time, I almost made it through the entire film without crying. I still can't get past the part where she is talking to her dad.

One of these days... that will be me. If I can get him to sit down. Without a gun. And an armed guard between us. He can be a violent dickhead. DUH

After the film, Angela spoke. You know she is serious and passionate about what has become her life's work, but she also carries her sense of humor with her, and lets it show. I am so happy that I am not the only person who can find humor in the absurd. It definitely helps breaks the ice for such a sensitive topic. Unless you're talking to someone super sensitive and raw. Then, I have learned to duck.

When it came to questions from the audience time... I raised my hand... all nice and proper like. She said, Yes Lisa? like we were old buds. (How cool is THAT?)

"So when ya wanna go with me to knock on my father's door?" Her confrontation with her father was perfect, inspiring.  I want to take a video camera and wear a wire and tape it. So later, after remaining calm, and listening to what he has to say... I can watch the video and throw shit at the movie theater size screen while screaming vile obscenities like a crack whore. Nope. No anger issues here!

During the rest of the evening, she was profound, and full of wonderful information and resources, and I could relate to what she was saying (obviously). She wasn't all high and mighty.

It was an amazing evening for me, being where I am right now in my life. I guess that is what I am trying to convey. I'm not trying to be all stalker like creepy freak woman from hell or anything.

Ok Angela... I'm still wondering when you are coming back, and going with me to knock on Sperm Donor's door!!!