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P001
Alone in a
dark room a child feigns sleep,
Hoping that tonight
the door will stay closed,
The monster will stay
out and his shadow will not creep,
Please God, don't let
me fall into thoughts too deep.
Will her daddy be coming? Will he
hurt her some more,
She tried to tell her
mother, but was called a whore.
Like muted lightening
there is a shadow below the door,
Oh God, there is going
to be more.
The molester has entered the room
again,
He says to the child
"Daddy is here, let's begin"
The little girl stares
into space,
Look at that pumpkin,
and its' scary face.
Daddy leans over and whispers,
"Don't you tell or I
will go after your sisters,"
He picks up his towel
and wipes himself clean,
"What a good little
girl, you have been."
Alone in the dark corner, the
girl rocks and weeps,
There are very few
nights when this girl can sleep.
She stays there until
dawn's first light,
It's another day;
things will be all right.
Upstairs,
her mommy was praying with all her might,
For Jesus told her
that it was right,
To protect this
dreadful monster,
And shield the truth
from site.
You have chosen to believe all
your lies,
You did absolutely
nothing while your children were victimized.
You did nothing to
stop this evil monster,
In fact, I think you
felt your children were for offer.
You were successful as a wife,
All you had to do was
offer up your girls,
But you can't call
yourself a mother,
While your children's
insides were smothered.
You have chosen to run away and
leave town,
Why face the truth and
stick around?
You have successfully
destroyed your flesh and blood,
But it would be unfair
to drag your husband's name through the mud.
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P002
drowning in a sea of despair
feeling like there is noone
out there to care...
the nothiningness I call
me...
just wants to float in the
calmness of the sea..
to have my body drift out
with the tide...
becuz there is nowhere else
to hide...
from the ugliness I have
subjected myslef to...
noone else sees it..but I
do...
I want to throw my empty,
meaningless life away...
I only wish I had the
courage to do it today....
I want to finally pay..
for the sins of
yesterday....
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P003
The Little
Match Girl is Me
I am going to make you feel loved, like you should have always felt when you
were just a child.
I will give you what you need, do what is best for you, and never leave you
behind just because I get scared and want to bolt.
I know your Mommy didn't want you. Neither did your Daddy. Others wanted you
but left you, promised to return and then never looked back.
You got left on street corners in the middle of the night, or with The
BoogieMonster Babysitter who kicked your ass for blinking, left with all the
Sailor Boys while your Mom went and "did her own thing", left in your room and
cut off from the outside world for years.
No wonder you don't know what this thing called love is, or how to go about
it. You never had it, never felt it, were never taught anything about it. So
what is it?
That, dearest, I cannot tell you. But I will try to show you as I am shown. I
will help you feel calm when you feel that twinge that you're gonna get left.
And if you do get left, you will BE OK. Because I am here.
Give your pain to me and I will get rid of it for you. No falling asleep on a
dark street corner in the midst of a snowy night. Your light will burn strong
and shine through the darkness. Take one of those matches and burn the past.
Dance in the firelight and chase away the shadows of doubt.
3.07.03 SNHK
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P004
secret saturdays
when I was only a little girl
my daddy asked me to be his big
girl
amd come into his room on
Saturdays..
I wasn't to tell mommy or my
little sister
or he would hurt them....
I dont remember a lot of what we
did in that room
I've blocked out those
memories....
but he expected me to come in
every saturday morning ot spend time with him...
together time..where he could show
me he loved me
and I could show him that I loved
him.;..
I'm glad sometimes that I dont
remember everything we did in there...
becuz I remember everything after
he started persuing me night and day,..
every day and not just on
Saturdays...
he still expected our saturday
mornings...
but he treated me like his
property
to touch and tease when it amused
him...
I never understood why he changed
the dynamics..
I wuld have liked to have kept it
to those saturdays..
and not ot have been tormented on
any other day...
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P005
life at 13
MOst teens lives are filled with
fun and games..
getting ready to start high school
soon...
looking forward ot the future...
looking forward to making new
friends..
and having new experiences...
but at 13 my life was a living
hell...
he changed everything then...
my father..my supposed
protector...my unwanted lover...
everywhere I went he was there...
I had no privacy...no friends...he
didnt allow it...
he wanted me all to himslef..
I was his toy..his possession....
it didnt matter what room I was
in..
it wasnt safe...
the bathroom was no longer a place
i could be alone in...
he'ds come in and join me..
didnt matter why I was in there...
he'd bath me....force me against
the tub when I wasnt...
the kitchen was where he'd trap me
when I was supposed to be doing dishes...
my room was his playground..
he'd watch me..
dress..undress..do homework...
and then he'd come in and join
me...
I"d say Daddy please dont....but
it didnt matter to him...
he'd do as he pleased...
becuz he could...
becuz I couldnt fight him...
and he knew I couldnt...
I had noone ot tell...
he knew everyone..and they all
thought he was a saint of a man,...
and I was all alone....
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P006
Little Girls
little
girls lost and alone
looking for someone to play
with....
get quite a surprise when
daddy wants to play...
he wants to play house...
you're the mommy and he's
the daddy...
and mommies sleep in daddy's
bed...
and do grown up things...
but shhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
dont tell mommy!
this is just between us....
noone else has to know...
innocent little girls dreams
of kitties and flowers...
turn into dreams of sex and
love..
intermingled together..
she doesnt knwo the
difference between the 2...
so it must mean daddy does
love her....
and its something special
not to be shared....
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P007
IN THE DARK...
There is a sadness that is growing from inside of me
With every breath I take it intensifies.
Alone I sit in a crowded room
Faded into the background just as before, Invisible
I'd much rather be alone in the darkness
In the dark the tears can fall with no shame
In the dark rage can explode with no one to fall upon
In the dark the sorrow is hidden in the shadows
In the dark the hatred and self loathing go unnoticed
In the dark the scars go untouched by the light
In the dark there is no expectation
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P008
HEATED
CONFUSIONS
I'm so fucking confused
My mind's just not right
I cry tears from my abuses
Most every night
Was I the one to ask for such
wrath?
When that fucker abused me
While taking a bath
Pretty pink panties
With tight spandex and boots
That fucking mean bastard
Had himself a good hoot
No I'm the one paying
With such pain and sad grief
Will this ever leave me?
Will I soon have relief?
Those tears in my eyes
They meant nothing at all
As he relished while probing
He just wanted it all
How do I vanquish
All these memories and pains
It's seems so hard now
Just to make any small gains
My mind is so polluted
With the thoughts of his wrath
I still to this day
Can't stomach a hot bath
My whole life's in a shambles
I need to settle this score
It was because of that fucker
That I became a street whore
My fury festers quickley
When he creeps into my mind
That is the hardest part
It's all intertwined
Scratching and hitting
I scream out in the night
What a damned life
What a fucking delight
I no longer want to live
with all his wrath and pains
There just has to be a solution
So I can make simple gains.....
WILLIEGOGO: 10/12/2006
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P009
Everyday ya'll did
this to me and
Everyday I let ya'll do this to me
I grew more confused because
Everyday that ya'll violated this
Child that once was your sister
A part of my ability to trust
Died with my spirit.
Everyday that you lay asleep
In your room oblivious to
What I was going through
Because of what you did the
Night before so everytime
They did what they did to me I
Lost my ability to depend on you.
Everyday you left me there
To fend for myself against
This pack of wolves that ravaged
me I hated you because you
Weren't there to help me these
Wolves that you called your sons
Took the only thing I could call my own.
So everyday that passed I hated
This family that I knew couldn't
be my own because how could my
Family treat me like this for
If they loved me I knew they
just wouldn't because everyday
I prayed for a life other than my own.
-
Cassie Hall
awhisperinyourear04@yahoo.com
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P010
My
Closet
My closet
Self imposed solitary confinement
Isolation
Peace
I
cant bother anyone
The world cant bother me
I am not a burden to the world
The world is not a burden to me
I
become invisible to the world
The world becomes invisible to me
I
can only hear me
The world cant hear me
I
can forget the world
The world can forget me
I
cant harm anyone
The world cant harm me
My closet
Self imposed paradise
-
Franki -
SadlyNormal
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P011
do you
ever feel unreal?
like you're just an
observer?
like yiou're invisible?
like you're a cartoon
character in real life form?
liek you're always wearing
the wrong thing?
that you're just watching
life go by...
you're just existing while
everyone else is actually living?
it seems like my life is so
unreal...
that if you wrote a story
about it people would not believe it....
I feel so unvalidated...so
used...so imaginary.....
like IM non-existant....
am I alone in these
feelings?
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P012
THE
PEDOPHILE'S FEAST
Pedophiles have plagued me
From the West to the East
They devowered my life
I am truly their feast
Such pain and sad suffering
Inflicted all through my life
It cuts me so deep
Like a scalding hot knife
In my mind I can see them
As they gather and dance
And laugh to each other
While they tear at my pants
The blood still trickles red
It Runs warm from my hole
I am truly their feast
And ultimate goal
They rear their dark heads
While I sleep weiraly at night
For I am their feast
A pedophile's delight
I have within me a vision
From living all this damned Hell
To deal with the Devil
To make a Pedophile spell
It would make me indiffrent
No remorse would I have
If the Devil himself
Made a pedophile salve
This I surley would do
At the very least
So could live my life free
From the pedophile's feast
- WILIEGOGO:24/07/2006
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P013
<REMOVED>
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P014
Silent
screams
echo in my head
who could be in such pain
such agony
a little voice said
I did not want to hear
I did not want to know
so I closed my eyes
and saw the world
from a twisted point of view
and the echos of cries
now only whimpering at best
were ignored
as if they weren't even there
- Tink Granger
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P015
Gone
My body is not my own
It diminishes with its ebbing flow
Rain follows my heart among the restless sighs
Pain tears my soul in pieces
Fading into the darkness
My body is not my own
A facade of happiness and strength
The rows of bittersweet moments
Craved by the hungry and seen only by the ugly
My body is not my own
It goes with the flow
Disintegrating for mortal being
Vanishing into the sea of unknown
Imperfections attract the wondering souls
For my body is not my own
- Caitlin
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P016
RED TEARS OF FEARS
My music is dead in me
I shed nothing but Red tears
All because of my life's torments
Throughout my forty seven years.
Why is my world so twisted and torn?
I do so curse the day that I was born.
No person on Earth
Should have live this way
I cant make sense of it all
But yet I still pray.
I've been tortured and beaten
And fucked until sore
Why am I still here?
And what's my score?
I don't want to shed tears drops
Of blood red any more
I didn't ask to be born here?
I was just sent from above?
I am stripped barren of most feelings
Except for God's love
My fingers still feel blistered
From inflicted parental pains
Why did they do it?
And what were their gains?
My music from within me
Plays such sour sad notes
It's like sailing a scow
In a bay of big boats
There is nothing left in me
My music is now gone
How much longer does this go on?
I want to live my life peacefully
Inside this tired weary head
Instead of crying at night
These tears of blood Red
Will I ever forget them?
All these things that went wrong
Will my soul ever be free enough
To play a sweet song?
My future seems bleak now
My songs are still Grey
I will get on my knees now
And to the Lord I will pray
I will pray that he send me
A true sign from above
To give me some courage
And to remember his love.
Perhaps he will do this for me
As I pray by my bed
To ease all of my fears
And stop these tears of blood Red...
- WILIEGOGO: 28/08/2006
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P017
Yesterday, I Was a
Victim
By: Laura L Nimke
Yesterday, I was a victim
Afraid, alone, in pain
Unsure, of my future
Confused, just the same
Yesterday, I was a victim
As he held me in his arms
He told me that he loved me
He used all of his charm
Yesterday, I was a victim
As he forced his way inside
I begged for him to stop
My request, it was denied
Yesterday, I was a victim
In the hospital alone
Unsure of what had happened
Afraid, to return home
Yesterday, I was a victim
Not knowing how to heal
Just going through the motions
Not allowing myself to feel
Today, I am a survivor
A decision, I have made
He won't hurt me anymore
From him, I will be saved
Today, I am a survivor
I live my life with pride
I can make it through anything
My past, I shall not hide
Today, I am a survivor
I will come out on top
I will fight each and every day
The violence, must stop
Today, I am a survivor
A victim, no more
I can accomplish anything
My faith in life, restored
Today, I am a survivor
Awake, alive, and free
I know I have a future
I once again trust me
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P018
Forgetting
Forgive the clergy who want to forget!
Quiet as church mice our churches remain.
Forget the children who cannot forget!
Though voices among us, filled with regret,
heard daily accounts of children being named,
forgive the clergy who want to forget.
The churches, some closed and some are in debt,
stand back, black-caped, shrouded in shame.
Forget the children who cannot forget.
The holy Sabbath when once we all met,
Priests ruffle of hair, some child grooming game?
Forgive the clergy who want to forget.
I saw John Flesk. He seemed happy, and yet
who knows what he saw and where he had lain!
Forget the children who cannot forget.
Children trying to forgive and forget
while we, in limbo, could face it again.
Forgive the clergy who want to forget?
Forget the children who cannot forget?
- Mary Cunningham, September 2006
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P019
"no"
in the corner
you'll find her,
curled up so tightly, tears falling.
Whispering the word that never helped
the word that should have saved her innocence.
"no" the word echoes in her mind
"no" this word engraved for all time.
his shadow towers above her tiny body
The gleaming blade shimmers in moonlight
He hears her protests but laughs quietly
She closes her eyes, no not this...not now...
"no" this word echoes in her mind
"no" this word engraved for all time.
a tear silently trails down her face
what can she do to prevent this?
what can she do? what can she say?
"Goddess, save me from this destruction!"
"no" the word echoes in her mind
"no" the word engraved for all time.
"Please no" it should have made it stop
"please no" it should have saved her innocence.
he only turned his head, to show a deaf ear.
her cries suffocated by his laughs.
Celeste
frozen_winter_tears@yahoo.com
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P020
destruction
I watch it from
the corner-
The destruction, the torment.
I see the tears and hear the screams.
I watch her struggle and fight him
I watch her mouth "the word" over again.
Her eyes are closed, she stops fighting
Her mind is elsewhere, I can tell.
Shaking my head, I turn away. I cannot watch.
I hear her silent cries in my mind.
I feel her pain both emotional and physical.
This is not right, but I cannot stop this.
I notice the child who quietly watches.
His young eyes are filled with terror and fear
Unsure of what is happening on this day.
He attentively watches the scene.
Listening to the noises, confused and terrified.
What kind of person could ever do such a thing?
My eyes turn back to the girl who now is silent
Not a tear is falling from her eyes
Not a move is she daring to make.
A knife held to her throat, it is hard for me to breathe.
Longing to reach out and save her...I know that it cannot be.
There is nothing I can do to save her this day.
Hours later I am behind her as she runs away.
I am there as she falls to her knees, helpless and alone.
I am a witness to her promise of revenge.
Celeste
frozen_winter_tears@yahoo.com
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